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Which words would you rather hear when ordering food at 1 a.m.?
Person #1: "Heck yeah, I'm starving! Put me down for a burger and fries. And a chocolate shake."
Person #2: "Oh, I'm not hungry. But, teehee, I may snag one or two of your fries, 'kay?"
What sort of psychological makeup are we dealing with in Person #2, and why does it make our blood boil?
There's the obvious answer: They're a liar! I know they're going to end up eating half my fries!
Dig a little deeper, though, and it's actually more complicated. Person #2's main problem isn't dishonesty, or a skinny wallet, or even lack of self-awareness.
Person #2 suffers from low confidence and a pathological fear of commitment.
Hm, should I get french fries or fried pickles? If I get both, I won't be able to eat a whole burger. But if I just get the burger, I'll be missing out on something nice and crispy. Maybe I'll get both? But fried pickles don't keep well, so I'd have to eat them in one sitting. Can I manage that? Even if I can, should I? I don't know if I'll make it to the gym tomorrow to burn the calories. I can't decide! Meh, it's okay, I don't need my own meal …
The Cure
A good friend tells Person #2 the truth: "You're clearly hungry enough to get your own meal! Just accept that you deserve a tasty treat!"
A great friend shows Person #2 the truth by just ordering them a Fat Shack Sandwich.
Take the Fat Andy: Fried pickles, mozzarella sticks, onion rings, french fries, and ranch all packed into one hoagie. It’s all the things Person #2 couldn’t decide on, which means it’s all they ever wanted.
Why it Works
For starters, it's physically impossible to steal someone else's fries from a Fat Sandwich. Even the world's most talented thief won't reach for the hoagie, grab a single fry, and extract it from the ranch-mozzarella-pickle huddle.
More importantly, it's psychologically impossible to steal fries from a Fat Sandwich. The sheer presence of so many deep-fried foods sends a message of confidence and immense possibilities – one clear enough to penetrate Person #2's strongest delusions.
He's eating fried pickles, mozzarella sticks, onion rings, french fries, and ranch – at the same time?
I thought that no matter what decision I made, I'd spent the night either haunted by regrets or guilty over my pile of half-finished snacks. That assembling any meal required hard decisions and sacrifices.
But he doesn't have that problem. He has a single sandwich that brings four deep-fried foods into one meal. One choice, one meal, one commitment.
No regrets.
There's some deep trust going on there: Trust that Fat Shack was able to fit all of these meal components onto a single hoagie. Trust that you’re able to eat it before it gets cold. And enough self-love to know that you deserve an explosion of deep-fried jalapeños, pickles, and mozzarella in every bite.
If he can eat that in one sitting, surely I can manage a single burger.
Tonight, I’ll get a redo. Tonight, I’ll commit to doing late-night food right.
